Wednesday, April 8, 2020

Life since The Rona

Shameless breakroom selfie!
I got a new mask this day, so I was feeling pretty good.
I love this picture so much!
God loves and is aware of all of His Children.

2020. What a year! Oh wait, it’s only April?! It’s been almost two years since my last post, and in so many ways it feels like its been 10 years. I finished nursing school in December 2019. Man was that a long, hard road. After graduation we went to Hawaii for the very first time. My parents met us out there and we rented a house near BYU Hawaii on Oahu. It was beautiful and such a great way to celebrate Christmas and being done with school!

When we got home I studied a little more and passed the NCLEX in 75 questions! I was officially a Registered Nurse! I started a new job a couple of weeks later at a local hospital and was put in the training program for the ICU. When I was offered the job I was nervous to take it for a few reasons. One, how would my family balance/cope with me working full-time? We have no immediate family in Utah and Cory works a lot as a CPA. Two, starting in the ICU is crazy! Being a brand new nurse is already a steep learning curve, and starting in the ICU is like adding gasoline to the fire. Three, I didn’t know how my body would handle working full-time in an intense environment because of my secondary adrenal insufficiency. It has been almost 3 years since my pituitary tumor surgery, and I am still learning how to manage my cortisol levels with a combination of medicine when I need it, mixed with learning my body and knowing my limits. I am terrible at knowing how to not over do it though. Little did I know that in a few months after starting my job we would be in a global pandemic. I have been reading about coronavirus since it surfaced in China last year. I didn’t put too much thought into it because just reading statistics it honestly did not concern me. Especially when so many people die everyday of many things. We lived life like normal and adjusted to my new schedule. Cory and I literally had to sit down every Sunday night with a giant calendar to plan schedules, and meals, and coordinate kids activities, and we just felt very, very busy. 
Then as the weeks went on and the virus spread, things started to change. Soon the kids were were doing school from home, Cory was working from home, everything was cancelled, including church, and I was directly caring for covid-19 positive patients. The first day I cared for someone with covid-19, or The Rona as I like to call it, I called Cory on my way home and told him that we thought we had a patient who had the virus but we were waiting for the results, which at the time were taking up to a week to get back. I asked him if I should come home or try and find a hotel. This was the moment. I knew the possibility of bringing the virus home was high, but how long would I have to stay away? We talked about it and decided I should come home. Cory actually didn’t even hesitate, he said of course I should come home. I did come home, and tried my best to remove, sanitize, and scrub every inch of my clothes and myself. 
 I have been exposed to the virus for weeks now. I have spent so much time in these isolation rooms the shock of it is gone. But the hospital is definitely a weird place to be right now. Other than the ICU and emergency department it is kind of a ghost town. We literally have no visitors and the halls are eerily quiet outside of those departments. The saddest part for me is how alone the patients are. Not only are they in isolation rooms, but other than limited staff they have no human contact. Their families can call and get updates but that is their only view of their loved one. In some cases we have been able to utilize FaceTime, but I’m not sure that was better. Sometimes it’s better not to see what your loved one actually looks like. 
Then one day I was helping move a patient into a room and we got the bed in place and it all started to shake. I checked the brake and it was on, but by now the whole room was rolling, IV bags were swaying and I knew we were having an earthquake! I laughed and said, of course we are! Haha! It was the weirdest feeling. As if life wasn’t already feeling weird, now it felt like the twilight zone. Life just felt SO weird and unreal. I am a born and raised California girl. I have been in earthquakes before. But the timing of this one was unsettling. In a time when the grocery store has empty shelves and panicked faces, it just felt like it wasn’t real. Having an earthquake in Salt Lake City is not common and it set people even more on edge. Then to top it all of, on one of my next days off we started getting all of the emails from our kids teachers. They were so thoughtful and I know they were putting in a lot of work and they were thrown into this situation without any warning. But between all four of my kids we have 15 teachers to communicate with. A lot of them were sending daily emails with websites and writing prompts and daily assignments. I know most parents are home with their kids right now, but I still have to work. Cory is working from home, but he has to work. It was all very overwhelming. All I could see were posts about people complaining about having to stay home and about how bored they were. It was so frustrating to me to listen to people complaining, meanwhile I would love to be bored at home instead of dodging invisible germs. 

This was my breaking point. I had a full on panic attack. It was big ugly crying and hiding in my closet overwhelmed. But it was just what I needed. All of the stress and all of the worry, mixed with all of the uncertainty and anxiety of it all was just too much. I needed to get to this point so I could reset. I needed to get to this point so I would finally ask God for help instead of trying to handle this all on my own. I finally prayed for help. Not just a normal quick prayer, but a real prayer. I poured out my heart and soul and shared every worry, every frustration, everything that I felt was unfair, everything that annoyed me about people who had it so much easier than me. I did not feel better right away. But releasing that pressure through my tears allowed room for the peace to enter my heart. Over the next couple of days as I continued to pray for help the peace started to outweigh the worry. Eventually I started noticing all of my blessings again. Nothing had changed but me. Life was still stressful and uncertain, but I did not have to feel overwhelmed by it. As I started looking for the good in my life and in the world, I started seeing it everywhere. After these feelings took over I again prayed to thank God for helping me feel better, for helping me feel close to Him, and for easing my fears and anxieties. The answer I got actually made me laugh. My answer back was, You know you could feel like this all of the time? You don’t have to wait for hard times to feel close to me. That hit me pretty hard because it is so true! I am pretty good now at turning to God when things are hard. What else can you do when you hit rock bottom? But when things are good, I tend to just coast on my own. 


This last Sunday was General Conference for our church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe in apostles and prophets. General Conference happens twice a year and we get to hear from these leaders in our church. I was sad to miss it because I had to work. But something amazing happened. I was working in a patient room and the TV was on, and I got to hear the very last few minutes of the conference. The part I heard was a message of hope from our Prophet Russell M. Nelson. It lifted my spirits immediately. Then he said they would be building a temple in the very city I live in! I was not expecting that! In that moment I knew, again, how much God was aware of everything in my heart, and that He made it possible for me to hear that announcement live even though I had to work. It was a very cool experience for me.
So for now, we are still social distancing. I am trying not to go anywhere for fear I will unknowingly spread the virus to someone. So far we have been safe, well fed, and healthy. We both still have jobs, we still have income coming in, we have everything we could possibly need. Never would I have imagined that I would be an ICU nurse during a global pandemic. Meeting this virus in person is unreal. Then hoping your mask you have been re-using for days is enough to protect you is something I can’t even describe. Wondering if you brought the virus home every time someone in your family coughs is enough to make anyone go crazy. But we are doing well, learning to keep relying on and trusting God, and trying to enjoy life in the meantime. Our life is always interesting and never boring! I am so grateful to know that God is in the details of my life, and all of our lives. He cares about us and is just waiting for us to ask Him for help.  We will get through this and have some great stories to tell. Please take it seriously and stay home if you can! 

Here are some fun pictures of what we've been up to...

Last Christmas we got a Golf Cart! haha!
 Not  sure who was the most excited.


I'm not much of a holiday decorator.
So Genna likes to make her own decorations
 to make the house more festive.

May 2019 we got to tour the Oakland Temple while it was open to the  public. This is where we were married!

Pedro and Napoleon
Don't forget Kip!

   
He seriously loves to wear mustaches!
He buys them at the dollar store  and has even worn them to school.
He says people take him more seriously with a mustache.
My mom taught him the Frito-Bandito song and
he loves to sing it while dressed like this.
My baby is growing up and losing teeth.





I have so many "helpers" now.




I have a very mixed heritage, and my brother sent me this.
Swiss Italian and Mexican. Finally a product that represents me!

It was career day and this boy wants to be just like his uncle and grandpa.

Golden Gate Bridge
Everett was baptized last summer!




Our crew on the beach at our rental house
 in Oahu Christmas morning.



It was so easy to wake up to this everyday.

My graduation. BSRN.
We all sacrificed for me to finish this degree.

Both of these two are now old enough and have gone
 to the Temple to do baptisms for their ancestors.

Ogden, Utah Temple



Antelope Island- The Great Salt Lake
Notice the difference between the two pictures of Rosie! She had no idea what was coming.

Monday, July 16, 2018

After the Dust Settles

My last post left off in June 2017, right before my pituitary surgery. 
Spoiler Alert: I survived. But as usual it was exciting! 
Sorry this post is SO long, but so much happened.
We still had no idea how exactly we were going to pay for the surgery, and to top it off we were told that we would have to pay $10,000 upfront! If the surgery had no complications it would cost $35k. Cory reminded me that we would spend that much on a car, so of course my brain is worth the money. Logically it made sense, but I felt SO guilty for being the cause of my family's financial hardship. It all came together at the last minute and I had Pituitary Surgery on June 29, 2017 at the University of Utah Hospital by Dr. William Couldwell.
The surgery went great. 
They were able to get my whole tumor out without injuring my optic nerve or my carotid artery! It was a miracle, and I was in good hands.





I was in the Neuro ICU for a few days, and then transferred to the regular Neuro floor on
Sunday July 2. Thats where I bottomed out.
I was SO sick, and no one knew why.
I had been fine, until I wasn't. I couldn't keep any food down and I couldn't even sit up without feeling nauseous and dizzy.
At one point I was so scared, I freaked out!
Like major psych ward freak out.
I had the thought that if I didn't get out of my bed soon
 that I would die in that hospital bed.
I grabbed my IV pole and hobbled down the hall 
and asked to be let out onto the patio.
 Once outside, I felt even worse in the heat. 
I walked back to my room, (with Cory's help) feeling defeated.
Finally they figured out what was wrong.
I was experiencing Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency.
Basically, my cortisol level had bottomed out,
and I needed hormone therapy to feel better.
It worked almost immediately.
This is just a complication of pituitary surgery.

I was finally able to go home the night of July 4th. 
The Freedom of leaving the hospital felt amazing!



It was so nice to be home with my kids! We all felt relieved that everything went well. The problem was, I was starting to feel sicker and sicker. I attributed it to the side effects of the hydrocortisone medication I was taking. By Thursday morning I had gained 4 lbs in the 2 days since returning home from the hospital! I was feeling very foggy, and confused. The kids were at a sweet friend's house playing,
and Cory was out mowing the lawn. I called the nurse hotline and told them what was going on. The nurse told me that I needed to head to the ER right away and that they would be ready for me. She told me to come to the ER at University of Utah if at all possible. I called Cory, who was outside, with my cell phone and tried to relay what the nurse told me. By this time I was very foggy, and very confused. He asked another friend to pick up our kids, and bring them home, and we headed to the hospital. I don't remember much of the ride, but it was long. They took me in right when we got to the ER, and they figured out that I had Hyponatremia, which is low sodium. Also a side effect from my surgery. About 5% of pituitary tumor surgeries result in
something called SIADH or
Syndrome of Inappropriate Ant-Diuretic Hormone.
Meaning my pituitary was releasing too much anti-diuretic hormone,
which resulted in water retention and Hyponatremia.
The things you learn when you have to stay in the hospital.😊
(The more common pituitary surgery side effect is Diabetes Insipidous
which is essentially the opposite of SIADH.)


In the ICU they gave me a mid-line IV and started a sodium solution. I started to feel better gradually. 
There were a few problems with all of this. 
Number 1: I did not want to be in the hospital, AGAIN, 
I wanted to be home with my family!
Number 2: How in the heck were we going to pay for
a second hospital stay?!

Number 3 and maybe most important: My family was all coming to Utah for a Reunion and if I was in the hospital, would Cory have to take the kids alone?

Once my sodium was back up I was feeling great. But I couldn't leave the hospital until they knew I could maintain the levels on my own. I was on a diet of salty foods and 1-liter of powerade only.
I felt like a prisoner. I tried to be positive, and enjoy the view of Salt Lake City from my room. Plus it did give me a chance to start studying in my nursing classes, but I wanted to leave so badly.
The view from my room on the Neuro Floor.
Salt Lake City is beautiful!

The view from the patio of the Neuro Floor.
As I got better, I was allowed to sit outside and it was so peaceful.


I now owe Cory for life because he did take our kids to the reunion
 by himself for a couple of days.
I told him he has complete immunity for at least 10 years,
after all he has done for me.
On July 11th I was finally released from the hospital again.
I got to join my family for the rest of the week of the reunion.
It was so sweet to be greeted not only by my children,
but by my whole family!




Me hugging my wonderful Grandpa Bertola as
 I arrived at the reunion house, powerade in hand.
He gives the best hugs!
Me with one of my favorite women of all time,
My beloved Grandma Sofia.
Being around her is always a joy.
Me and my favorite guy! On our way home from the reunion.
Notice the Powerade is never far away.



After the dust settled, I continued to get better. I stayed on Powerade for several weeks, and had my sodium checked often. I still need hydrocortisone frequently, and I can't exercise vigorously without getting tired out, but I am feeling great!

My mom ended up staying with me for a few weeks to help when Cory went back to work. Not only did she take care of us, but I was able to get all caught up on my nursing classes!!! She saved me! 

Life the rest of the year has been pretty normal and great! 
Not only was my surgery and recovery a miracle, but we received wonderful news in the fall.
The surgery was expensive, like all surgeries,
BUT
our insurance was going to help pay for it!!!!
The pathology of my tumor came back as "atypical" so it got
coded in a way that my insurance would accept.
We were flabbergasted!
My second hospital stay was covered also, because I was admitted through the ER.
I cannot atrribute any of this to luck.
This was a direct answer to prayer.
I don't know how many times I have to learn this lesson over and over.
God keeps his promises.
I hope I will never doubt again. 

I am thankful everyday to be alive AND healthy.
I am now in my third semester of Nursing school and loving it so much.
All of my illnesses and hospital stays have actually helped me a lot with my school work,
and it has given me so much compassion as I help treat patients on my rotations.

My Nursing program is through Western Governor's University.
We have our labs at the University of Utah Campus.
It is hard for me to not tear up when I drive to school and
see the hospital I was just in a short time ago.
It never gets old, and I never forget how lucky and blessed I am.

To top it all off, I finally got Lasik Surgery!!!
That alone makes this year one of the best ever.




Here is some of the fun stuff we got to do this year. 
Our life is not perfect, but it is pretty great!



We got to go on our first cruise in October to the Bahamas,
with some of our favorite people!!!
It was amazing!
We stopped at Walmart in Orlando before Boarding the boat.
We knew finding this Diet Coke was a sign that the trip would be great!

These guys are the best!
I think I grinned ear to ear the whole week.

My hair almost needed its own ticket by the end of the cruise, it got so big!

Aren't we adorable?!
This girl is everything a friend should be,
so glad she is in my life.


Normal day in Minion town.
This boy is a real life minion.
He makes us laugh everyday.
Cute little trick-or-treaters





It finally snowed enough on Christmas to go sledding!!





All of the Bertola Girls got to go to Waco, TX to visit Magnolia (Fixer Upper)!
It was so fun to be together and to celebrate my Mom's 60th Birthday!!! 
Crazy right? Everyone kept asking if we were all sisters. (She is the one in the red sweater.)



My mom caught me after one of my rotations. 
Can you tell how tired I am?
I think this is the only picture I have wearing my scrubs.

 Lisa got to visit me and we went with a fun group
 to see Hamilton in Salt Lake City.

Cousins are always the best.
We are always so happy when they come and visit!




This summer we embarked on a huge road trip to see some Mormon Pioneer historic sites!
We went to Omaha, NE to visit Winter Quarters,
 which is where they stopped  for a time before making the trek to Utah.
Then we went to Nauvoo, IL right on the bank of the mississippi river,
which is the coolest historic town to visit. 
It is so preserved, and it feels like you have travelled back in time.
We visited Carthage Jail, where Joseph and Hyrum Smith were killed,
(This was my favorite place to see.)
We visited Adom-ondi-Ahman, which is such a special place to see.
Then we went to Liberty Jail in Missouri, and saw the Kansas City Temple.
Seeing all of these sites in person adds so much to my testimony of the Book of Mormon, and everything the pioneers sacrificed so I can read it whenever I want.


Eventually we headed down to Arkansas to visit my three sisters!
On our way home we even got to see a Giant's game in Denver. 
Such a great Trip!
Looking down on Nauvoo, IL  and the Mississippi river from the temple.

Nauvoo Temple

Carthage Jail

Nauvoo, IL









Mississippi River where the pioneers crossed
when they left Nauvoo for good.
The river was frozen over and they walked across.

Adam-ondi-Ahman

Kansas City, MO Temple
The kids got to ride a school bus and have lunch at the school with their cousins while in Arkansas. It was the cutest, and they loved every minute of cousin time!




 The Giant's game was awesome! So fun to go as a family.

The night we arrived home after 50+ hours in the car.
We were grateful for Utah weather after being so hot and humid in the midwest.