My blog posts have been few and far between. I don't have a writing schedule. I just write when I feel like I need to. When I sit down to write a post, it is because the words have been bubbling up inside me for a week or more. Writing them down is so therapeutic, and rejuvenating for me.
I am so lucky to have so many people who care about me and my family.
The question I get the most is the obvious one,
"How are you feeling?".
My answer is always,
"Great! I feel so great and so blessed!".
But it is so much more than that.
So I feel like this is a good place to elaborate.
I do feel great. Like, better than I have felt for years.
I am not dizzy, I don't feel nauseous. I have more energy.
But mostly, I feel ALIVE!
Until this year, I have never stood death so closely in the face.
This was the first time I felt like I needed to pray in order to plead for my life.
Not just praying to not die, but praying to keep my life.
The life where I am ME.
The life where I can care for myself and my family.
The life where I am an equal partner in my marriage.
The life where I am not fragile, and I am capable.
January 1, 2015 will mark 5 months since
my jaw was removed in the first surgery.
That sure doesn't sound like very long.
Its really not very long.
I have always believed in miracles.
I have read and learned about miracles my entire life.
None of that prepared me to
become a miracle.
I wish I could describe fully what it is like to look into a child's eyes
when they tell you they prayed for you to get better.
To literally see their faith and confidence that their prayers were answered.
I have never learned more than in those sweet moments.
These children taught me that it's not about me,
its about everyone who was uplifted by witnessing me recover.
Its about the people around me who read and heard my testimony that the Savior lives!
The conversations that were had between parents and children teaching them empathy
and what it is to pray for someone else's benefit.
The children who saw their parents serving my family, watching my children, making us dinners, sending us cards, even cleaning my house.
My children, who were the most greatly affected, witnessed all of the good,
that greatly out weighed all of the bad.
I always wondered how the people in the New Testament scriptures felt after they were
healed by the Savior.
Now I know.
And now I know what it feels like to experience that miracle over and over
through the eyes of the people around me.
I am so grateful to be able to be a walking testament of the love Jesus Christ has for all of us.
I am not only alive, but able to live my life the way I want to.
I am still the same, although I have changed so much too.
As I have gotten back into my regular life, I find myself wanting to tell people what has happened to me this year.
I want to explain why I might limp, or why I am the weirdo eating my food in tiny bites.
I want to explain why I have to ask people to repeat themselves when they are near my bad ear.
Or why I may talk a little funny sometimes.
Its because, when people know, they think I am great.
"Wow! You look amazing!"
I never tire of hearing that.
But my goal for the New Year is to let people get to know me for me.
Not my past, or what I have been through.
I want them to like me because I am kind.
Because I am a good friend.
Or because I am funny, or just fun to be around.
My goal is to lift others as I have been lifted.
To be more empathetic and less judgmental.
My goal is to continue to have Faith in Jesus Christ.
To remember my prayers were answered.
He healed me.
To remember how many people care about me.
To remember that when I am in the trenches of dirty diapers, dog poop, and screaming kids...
This is what I prayed for.
This is my life.
To remember to not just be alive,
but to LIVE!
Here are some things we've been up to this December...
Here are some things we've been up to this December...
Our new puppy Rosie! |
Christmas fun!
Christmas Eve Nativity Mary, stable puppy, and Joseph. |
Me and E |